Home Alone Part 4

Disclaimer : All stunts in the episodes above are performed by trained professionals. No one should try this at home or any one else’s home either for that matter.


Most of us in this room will have definitely watched the home alone trilogy. Ain’t it pure rib ticking humor which almost makes you fall off your seat. Well my version of home alone ain’t any saner – it is equally crazy but the only diff here is that while Maculay Culkin was trying his best to save his house, I am all out to destroy it with my own hands. Ha so where do I start…



1st a brief little introduction about me – I am the most clumsiest, idiotic & dumb fool when it comes to running a house on this planet or maybe even beyond. I am staying alone only for the 2nd time ever – the 1st time I stayed alone was during the 1st few months of my college. I screwed up so badly that my mom had to fly back home half way across the world to save me & (I knw more the house). This second stint has definitely lasted longer.



Let’s start with the basics – shudn’t we all atleast be able to cut fruits right ? One day I was soo hungry & when I searched around the house I found this nice plump, juicy watermelon in the fridge. All excited that finally my tummy’s gonna get it’s supply – I tuk out a knife & wham, I never even touched the watermelon. I directly cut my fore finger  Stil can’t figure out how I missed such a big watermelon & still managed to cut my finger. So, instead of supplying any food to my system, I ended up extracting blood. I soon realized going by this trend i am going to run out of fingers for identification & with that i gave up my relationship with a knife forever :-)



My biggest passion is swimming, I just love water but not even I would’ve ever wished for such a thing to happen. 1 day I got home & my house had converted into a makeshift swimming pool. I had left a few taps open :-p Leaving 1 tap is acceptable but leaving 2 taps open needs skill. I learnt from several people that day that I am special & blessed. The exact reverse has happened too several times – when there isn’t a single drop of water at my place owing to my negligence & laziness of not opening the source taps in the morning. Unfortunately all this seems to happen on days when I am being audited by my sister. She’s married, lives close by & keeps dropping in. She is 3 years younger to me & enjoys this undue advantage in my family of being the smallest 1. I still shiver with just a stare from her.



I am seriously embarrassed by this 1 though but yet I am just gonna blurt it out - The other day I tried my hand at cooking noodles, NOODLES for heaven’s sake are god’s gift to mankind. Thousands of bachelors arnd d world would support me saying this but guess what - I even messed that up. I swear I followed the instructions given on the packet word to word but yet it turned out to be a sloppy mess. You know how some food looks good but tastes bad & some looks horrible but tastes good. Well mine was neither – it looked SAD & tasted even WORSE ! I learnt that day - A clean kitchen is the sign of a wasted life& I am proud to say I am not even remotely close to wasting mine. I know for sure that when man invented fire he didn’t say – Let’s cook. I only have a kitchen because it came with the house. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.  I can actually make up a wholecook book on recipes for disaster. You need to have all your senses working perfectly when cooking because dinner is ready for me when the smoke alarm goes off or when i see/small gas :-). A recipe is more like science fiction for me & the quickest way to become the next Einstein is to try recipes.





Next is washing dishes – We all feel we need some time to be alone right ? Try washing the dishes! The trouble with living alone is that it's always your turn to do the dishes. I hate four letter words...Like Cook, Bake, Dust, and Wash. While my Sunday’s earlier were spent lazying around the house, slouching in my bean bag – I now have to wash clothes & finish a dozen other household chores :-(



Well don’t think I am done yet – I’ve saved the best for the last. Behold my biggest blunder – I’ve got a fridge which is pretty stocked up owing to the fact that my house was a normal family home till just about a few weeks back. I pickup a bottle of water for my travels from the fridge when exiting home so it remains chilled till I reach work. This particular day I got up really late & was in a mad rush for everything – so I took out the bottle, pushed the fridge door close & left for work. I reached home early that day in the evening & then went to the club for TT & swimming thinking I’ve anyway got nothing better to do. So, when I am finally back home late night after dinner all set to sleep – I decide to have some water & I go to the fridge. At this moment I realized that my REFRIGERATOR had turned into a Combination art gallery and air-conditioner for the kitchen. It was open all day & everything inside had melted. I’ve never cursed myself more for anything else ever because had I atleast bothered to check the fridge upon returning home – I could’ve easily cleaned up the mess but now when I can’t even stand after hours of swimming & TT I’ll have to burgeon myself with cleaning up this mess. We believe in our religion that all our body parts speak to GOD when we die giving testimony to the treatment & deeds they endured. Well I hope mine’s forgive me for that night.

The best invention in the world for me is definitely going to be a self cleaning, self healing kitchen. I've still got vacancy for a room mate - any1 interested ? :-)